The Sea
by Vi, South Australia
Educator, Aged 49
Within three years i had lost three womyn to cancer.The womyn i had loved, the mother i will always love and the womyn i could have loved.
Hugged by a fluffy bunny, mums ashes comfort me in my room, the date of death sticky taped to the plastic cannister. I have no idea where my sweetheart lay. Her death belonging to others. As her lesbian partner the time before, my grief had no place in her families management of her life ending.
The womyn i could have loved was diagnosed with liver cancer three weeks after we met and the rollercoaster ride that was her death left me out as a stranger amongst the support of her family and friends.
Is this why i care for mums ashes so faithfully, disenfranchised from the conventions of death except as a dutiful daughter?
It is easier to hold on to stoic solidness than the effemeral thoughts passions and dreams i shared with these womyn. They are dead.
I still toss in a sea of regrets anchored by a beige plastic box.
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